I open my own jars

I once saw a cute comedy routine in which a guy sang about why he was glad to be a man.  One of the things he mentioned was that he could open his own jars. 
The thing we admire about lower primates is not their strength but when they are smart enough to use a tool (like the chimp that uses a stick to catch termites).  I usually don't have a problem opening jars:  I purse my lips and twist them to one side, give a good effort with my hands (using a wet cloth, i.e. the shirt front that got wet at the sink or that I dried my hands on, for grip if necessary), and the lid comes right off.  Usually.  Yesterday, I encountered a particularly hard lid.  There was no stronger primate around (and even had there been I wouldn't have asked for help because then I would never truly have known if I COULD have done it myself). 
So I tried the wet shirttail for grip.  I tried the rubber band that comes around a bunch of celery for grip.

 

I tried running hot water over the lid.  I tried standing the jar upside down in very hot water.

 



I tried a clamp that ds had left by the front door (which succeeded in only denting in the sides of the lid).

 

I tried combinations and permutations of all of the above.  Then in desperation, I almost felt like puncturing the center of the lid with the pointy end of the can opener.  Fortunately, I tried the squarish end first.  I just put a gentle pressure from it in a few places around the lid to kind of unroll the lip a little.  That broke the vacuum seal, and then I was able to easily unscrew the lid.  Smart chimp!



Then I was able to make my homemade pimiento cheese with
a little small curd cottage cheese
a little mayo
a lot of fancy shred sharp cheddar cheese
some pimientos

Bon appetit, smart chimp!